You’re Hired!* (Read more…)

19 Jul

“Do not bite at the bait of pleasure, till you know there is no hook beneath it.” -Thomas Jefferson

When is a job offer too good to be true? Here’s something I got in my e-mail today. I responded to an ad for an administrative assistant position in Mission Viejo and this is what the “human resources manager” said back to me:

Dear Applicant:

Congratulations, this is a tentative offer of employment for the available Administrative Assistant position in the corporate office of Jose Cuervo, Inc.

Jose Cuervo? Interesting, I didn’t know they had an office in Mission Viejo. Or do they? Then again, if it was true, I guess they’re going to have to somewhat compensate me with bottles. But I read on.
As you know, this position pays a generous starting wage, plus benefits, and also provides potential to earn additional bonuses and incentives throughout the year. We are hiring rapidly at this time, and are fully prepared to make you an employment offer, provided that you comply with the rest of the recruitment terms.

Hiring rapidly? God they must be in need of executive assistants.

This is a full-time position. You will be responsible for filing, keeping track of interoffice expenses and supplies, reserving conference rooms, planning travel for sales executives, and payroll review.  Experience working as a receptionist, secretary, or administrative assistant is helpful, but not required as fully paid training is provided.

To accept these terms and move on to the final stage of the recruitment process, you must provide us with a current copy of your credit report to go in your employment file. Jose Cuervo, Inc. has a zero-tolerance policy in regards to theft of company property. Your credit scores or payment history are not important to us; rather it is a means of verifying your identity, and will also serve as your acceptance of the position. Once you fill out the report, an email is automatically generated that notifies us of your acceptance of the position.  From there we mail you new hire paperwork and give you times for the next orientation. Be sure to bring 2 forms of identification with you to the orientation.

Look, I understand they don’t tolerate theft, but what the hell does a credit store determine in terms of company theft?

Your free report can be obtained here: (I actually deleted the link for safety reasons)

Now I’m thinking, “My credit report has all my vital info, but if I don’t know where the office is located or where the actual web site is located, how can I trust these guys?” This is really starting to freak me out.

This tentative offer will expire in 72 hours from the time sent. If you choose not to accept it, or have any questions, please email me directly.

We appreciate your interest in joining the team at Jose Cuervo, Inc. and hope you decide to come aboard!

Sincerely,

Madison Parker
Director of Human Resources
Jose Cuervo, Inc.

Madison Parker? Sounds like a porn star’s name. Bom chicka wow wow.

Anyway, so I did my background research on “Jose Cuervo, Inc.” and it turns out there’s no such thing as a Jose Cuervo, Inc. based in Mission Viejo. In fact Jose Cuervo is distributed by Diageo, a London-based multinational alcoholic beverage company and has offices in the United States–not in Mission Viejo. Once again, I got another scam e-mail and another deceptive job lead. Those guys on craigslist who deceive people trying to look for a job can go fuck themselves.

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One Response to “You’re Hired!* (Read more…)”

  1. marie peterson July 20, 2010 at 10:00 #

    Thank you for taking time to contact Jose Cuervo. We appreciate hearing from our consumers because your feedback is important.

    In regards to your inquiry, please be advised that the recent posting on a website regarding employment with us was not posted by Jose Cuervo or Diageo, and most likely is an improper and illicit attempt to obtain your private financial information. Accordingly, we do not recommend that you respond to that posting, or any correspondence from the poster regarding the posting in question. Rather, if you are interested in careers at Diageo, please visit our website at:

    http://www.diageo-careers.com/Pages/home.aspx

    We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience caused by this third-party posting. If you have any further questions please do not hesitate to contact us.

    Once again, thank you for contacting us.

    Sincerely,

    Jill A.
    Jose Cuervo Consumer Representative

    Vive Cuervo

    Please enjoy our fine wines, spirits and beers responsibly – refer to http://www.b4udrink.org

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